1. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 52
She stood up straight and blinked her eyes. 'Can we agree to a five-minute
break during class? One shouldn't study maths that long. It has to be bad for
you.'
She kept her pen aside and opened her hair. A strand fell on my arm. I pulled
my hand away.
'How is your preparation for other subjects? You don't hate science, do you?' I
said. I wanted to keep the break productive.
I like science. But the way they teach it, it sucks,' Vidya said.
'Like what?'
'Like the medical entrance guides, they have thousands of multiple choice
questions. You figure them out and then you are good enough to be a doctor.
That's not how I look at science.'
'Well, we have no choice. There are very few good colleges and competition is
tough.'
I know. But the people who set these exam papers, I wonder if they ever are
curious about chemistry anymore. Do they just cram up reactions? Or do they
ever get fascinated by it? Do they ever see a marble statue and wonder, it all
appears static, but inside this statue there are protons buzzing and electrons
madly spinning.'
I looked into her bright eyes. I wished they would be as lit up when I taught her
probability.
'That's quite amazing, isn't it?' I said.
'Or let's talk of biology. Think about this,' she said and touched my arm. 'What
is this?'
'What?' I said, taken aback by her contact.
'This is your skin. Do you know there are communities of bacteria living here?
There are millions of individual life forms -eating, reproducing and dying right on
us. Yet, we never wonder. Why? We only care about cramming up an epidermal
layer diagram, because that comes in the exam every single year.'
I didn't know what to say to this girl. Maybe I should have stuck to teaching
seven-year-olds.
'There are some good reference books outside your textbooks for science,' I told
her.
'Are there?'
'Yes, you get them in the Law Garden book market. They go into concepts. I
can get them for you if you want. Ask your parents if they will pay for them.'
*Of course, they will pay. If it is for studies, they spend like crazy. But can I
come along with you?'
'No, you don't have to. I'll get the bill.'
'What?'
2. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 63
'Yes, a bit of organic chemistry for my head. Maybe this will help.'
I flipped the book's pages to see how benzene became oxidised.
'When is your birthday?' she said. '14 March,' I replied. 'Pi Day.' 'What day?'
'Pi Day. You see, Pi approximates to 3.14 so 14 March is the same date. It is
Einstein's birthday, too. Cool, isn't it?'
'A day for Pi? How can you have a day for something so horrible?'
'Excuse me? It is an important day for maths lovers. We never make it public
though. You can say you love literature, you can say you love music but you can't
say you feel the same way for maths.'
'Why not?'
'People label you a geek.'
'That you are,' she giggled.
She pulled the oil bottle cap close.
'Can you help me oil my hair? I can't reach the back.'
My tongue slipped like it was coated in that oil as I tried to speak. 'Vidya, we
should study now.'
'Yeah, yeah, almost done. Just above the back of my neck, please.'
She twisted on her chair so her back faced me. She held up the cap of the oil
bottle.
What the hell, I thought. I dipped my index finger in the oil and brought it to
her neck.
'Not here,' she giggled again. 'It tickles. Higher, yes at the roots.'
She told me to dip three fingers instead of one and press harder. I followed her
instructions in a daze. The best maths tutor in town had become a champi man.
'How's the new shop coming?' she said.
'Great, I paid the deposit and three months advance rent,' I said. 'Fifty
thousand bucks, cash. We will have the best location in the mall'
'I can't wait,' she said.
'Two more months,' I said. 'Ok, that's enough. You do it yourself now, I will
hold the cap for you.'
She turned to look at me, dipped her fingers in the oil and applied it to her
head.
'I wish I were a boy,' she said, rubbing oil vigorously.
'Why? Easier to oil hair?' I said, holding up the cap in my hand even though
my wrist ached.
'So much easier for you to achieve your passions. I won't be allowed to open
such a shop,' she said.
I kept quiet.
'There, hopefully my brain would have woken up now,' she said, tying back her
hair and placing the chemistry book at the centre of the table.
'1 don't want to study this,' she said.
3. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 33
I reached Ishaan's house at 7 p.m. on Tuesday. She sat at her study table. Her
room had the typical girlie look - extra clean, extra cute and extra pink. Stuffed
toys and posters with cheesy messages like 'I am the boss' adorned the walls of
the room. I sat on the chair. Her brown eyes looked at me with full attention. I
couldn't help but notice that her childlike face was in the process of turning into
a beautiful woman's.
'So which areas of maths are you strong in?'
'None really,' she said.
'Algebra?'
'Nope.'
'Trigonometry?'
'Whatever.'
'Calculus?'
She raised her eyebrows as if I had mentioned a horror movie.
'Really?' I said, disturbed at such indifference to my favourite subject.
'Actually, I don't like maths much.'
'Hmmm,' I said and tried to be like a thoughtful professor. 'You don't like it
much or you don't understand a few things and so you don't like it yet? Maths
can be fun you know.'
'Fun?' she said with a disgusted expression.
'Yes.'
She sat up straight and shook her head. 'Let me make myself clear. I positively
hate maths. For me it occupies a place right up there with cockroaches and
lizards. I get disgusted, nauseated, and depressed by it. Between an electric shock
or a maths test, I will choose the former. I heard some people have to walk two
miles to get water in Rajasthan. I would trade my maths problems for that walk,
everyday. Maths is the worst thing ever invented by man. What were they
thinking? Language is too easy, so let's make up some creepy symbols and
manipulate them to haunt every generation of kids. Who cares if sin theta is
different from cos theta? Who wants to know the expansion of the sum of cubes?'
'Wow, that's some reaction,' 1 said, my mouth still open.
...
'Wow, that's some reaction,' 1 said, my mouth still open.
'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral
infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'I think you are approaching it the wrong way.'
'Oh ho ho, don't go there. I am not just approaching it. I have lived,
compromised, struggled with it. It is a troubled relationship we have shared for
years. From classes one to twelve, this subject does not go away. People have
nightmares about monsters. I have nightmares about surprise maths tests. I
know you scored a hundred and you are in love with it. But remember, in most
parts of the world maths means only one thing to students.'
She stopped to breathe. I had the urge to get up and run away. How can I tame
a wild beast?
'What?'
'Goosebumps. See I already have them,' she said, pulling her kameez sleeve up
to her elbow. I thought the little pink dots on her skin were more from her
emotional outburst than maths.
I also noticed her thin arm. It was so fair you could see three veins running
across. Her hand had deep lines, with an exceptionally long lifeline. Her fingers
seemed long as they were so thin. She had applied a glittery silver-white
nailpolish only on the outer edge of the nails. How do women come up with these
ideas?
'What?' she said as I checked out her arm for a moment too long.
I immediately opened a textbook. 'Nothing. My job is to teach you maths, not to
make you like it. You want to be a doctor I heard.'
'I want to go to a college in Mumbai.' 'Excuse me?'
'I want to get out of Ahmedabad. But mom and dad won't let me. Unless, of
course, it is for a prestigious course like medicine or engineering. Engineering has
maths, maths means vomit so that is ruled out. Medicine is the other choice and
my exit pass. But they have this medical entrance exam and...'
I realised that Vidya did not have an internal pause button. And since I had
only an hour and the tutorial equivalent of climbing Everest barefoot, I wanted to
come to the point.
'So, which topic would you like to start with?'
'Anything without equations.'
'I saw your medical entrance exam course. Looks like there are a few scoring
areas that are relatively easier.'
I opened the medical exam entrance guide and turned it towards her.
4. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 54
'Chemistry book, red and white balls on the cover,' he screamed .it one of his
five assistants.
'This is a good book,' I said as I tapped the cover and gave it to Vidya. 'Other
organic chemistry books have too much to memorise. This one explains the
principles.'
Vidya took the book in her hand. Her red nail polish was the same colour as
the atoms on the cover.
'Flip through it, see if you like it,' I said.
She turned a few pages. The shopkeeper raised an eyebrow. He was asking me
about the girl. See this is the reason why people think Ahmedabad is a small
town despite the multiplexes. It is the mentality of the people.
'Student, I take tuitions,' I whispered to satisfy his curiosity lest he gave up
sleeping for the rest of his life. He nodded his head in approval. Why do these old
people poke their nose in our affairs so much? Like, would we care if he hung out
with three grandmas?
'If you say it is good, I am fine,' she said, finishing her scan. 'Good, and in
physics, have you ever read Resnick and Halliday?'
'Oh, I saw that book at my friend's place once. Just the table of contents
depressed me. It's too hi-fi for me.'
'What is this "hi-fi"? It is in your course, you have to study it,' I said, my voice
stern.
'Don't they have some guides or something?' she said, totally ignoring my
comment.
'Guides are a short cut. They solve a certain number of problems. You need to
understand the concepts.'
The shopkeeper brought out the orange and black cover Resnick and Halliday.
Yes, the cover was scary and dull at the same time, something possible only in
physics books.
'I won't understand it. But if you want to, let's buy it,' Vidya agreed.
'Of course, you will understand it. And uncle, for maths do you have M.L.
Khanna?'
I could see his displeasure in me calling him uncle, but someone needed to
remind him.
'Maths Khanna,' the shopkeeper shouted. His assistants pulled out the yellow
and black tome. Now if Resnick and Halliday is scary, M.L. Khanna is the
Exorcist. I haven't seen a thicker book and every page is filled with the hardest
maths problems in the world. It was amusing that a person with a friendly name
like M.L Khanna could do this to the students of our country.
5. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 62
'He will be a player like India never had,' Ish announced. It sounded a bit mad,
but we had seen Ali demolish the best of bowlers, even if for a few balls. Two more
years and Ish could well be right.
'Don't talk about Ali's gift at all. I don't trust anyone.' Ish wiped his lassi
moustache.
'Excuses don't clear exams, Vidya. If you study this, it will help. Nothing else
will.' I opened the chemistry book again.
'I tried,' she said and pushed back her open hair. She had not bathed. She had
a track pant on that I think she had been wearing since she was thirteen and a
pink T-shirt that said 'fairy queen' or something. How can a grown-up woman
wear something that says 'fairy queen'? How can anyone wear something that
says 'fairy queen'?
'I pray everyday. That should help,' she said.
I didn't know whether to laugh or flip my fuse again at her nonchalance. Maybe
if she didn't look like a cute ragdoll in those clothes, I would have lost my temper
again.
'Don't leave it to God, nothing like reading organic chemistry yourself,' I said.
She nodded and moved her chair, as a bottle fell over on the ground.
'Oops,' she said and bent down.
'What?' I stood up in reflex. It was a bottle of coconut oil, fortunately closed.
'Nothing, I thought I'll oil my hair,' she said and lifted the blue bottle.
I looked at her face. My gaze lasted a quarter second more than necessary.
There is an optimal time for looking at women before it gets counted as a stare. I
had crossed that threshold. Self-consciously she tugged at the T-shirt's neckline
as she sat back up. The tug was totally due to me. I didn't look there at all, but
she thought I did. I felt sick.
'Coconut oil,' I said, probably the dumbest thing to say but it changed the
topic.
'Yes, a bit of organic chemistry for my head. Maybe this will help.'
I flipped the book's pages to see how benzene became oxidised.
'When is your birthday?' she said. '14 March,' I replied. 'Pi Day.' 'What day?'
'Pi Day. You see, Pi approximates to 3.14 so 14 March is the same date. It is
Einstein's birthday, too. Cool, isn't it?'
'A day for Pi? How can you have a day for something so horrible?'
6. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 29
'Will you do me one more favour buddy?' Ish said.
'What?'
'There is someone who wants maths tuitions,' Ish said.
'No, I am full, Ish. Seven students already...,' I said as Ish interrupted me. 'It is
Vidya.' 'Your sister?'
'She finished Class XII. She is dropping a year now to prepare for the medical
entrance.'
'You don't need maths to become a doctor.'
'No, but the entrance exams do. And she is awful at it. You are the best man,
who else can I trust?'
'If it is your sister, then I mean...,' I took a breath. 'Wow, Vidya to join medical
college? Is she that old now?'
'Almost eighteen, dude.'
'I teach younger kids though, class five to eight. Her course is more advanced. I
am not in touch.'
'But you got a fucking century in that subject, dude. Just try she needs any
help she can get.'
I said nothing for a while, trying to remember what I knew of Vidya, which was
little.
'What are you thinking. Oh, I know, Mr Accounts. Don't worry we will pay you,'
Ish said and took a big sip.
'Shut up, man. It is for your sister. Ok, I'll do it. When do we start?'
'Can you start Monday ... no Monday is Parekh-ji's feast. Damn, Omi what the
fuck are we going to do there?'
'The things we do to keep your Mama happy.' I couldn't wait to move to
Navrangpura.
'Parekh ji is supposed to be a great man,' Omi said. 'And I always listen to you
guys. Come for me this time.'
'Anyway, Tuesday then,' I said to Ish. 'So is she going to come to the bank?'
'Dad will never send her out alone. You come home.'
'What?' I said. Maybe I should have accepted a fee. 'Ok, I'll move some classes.
Say seven in the evening?'
'Sure, now can you answer one maths question, Mr Accounts,' Ish said.
'What?'
'You ordered a crate with ten bottles. We drank three each. Where is the tenth
one?' Ish stood up swaying.
I stood as well. 'The question is not where the tenth one is, but who does it
belong to.' I lunged for the ice bucket. Ish dived in as well. Cold water splashed
on the floor as we tugged at the bottle. After a ten-second tiff, he released it.
'Take it, dude. What would I do without you?'
7. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 114
everytime she solved a problem. At other times, we took a kissing break every
fifteen minutes. Once, we didn't kiss at all as she did a mock test. However, we
made up for it in the next class where we spent the first ten minutes kissing and
the rest discussing her mistakes. When we felt desire, we kissed. When we felt
guilty, we studied. Somehow, we balanced mathematics and romance within the
hour quite well.
We went to the edge of the terrace. The last bit of sunlight disappeared as the
sky turned dark orange. The evening breeze held a chill. At a distance, we saw the
dome of Omi's temple.
She entwined her hands with mine and looked at me. 'You tell me,' she said as
she removed a strand of hair from her face, 'should I become a doctor?'
I shook my head.
'Then how do I get out?'
'Apply to whichever college and just go,' I said.
'How?' she said as she tugged my hand. 'How will I even get the application fee
to apply? How will I support myself in Mumbai?'
'Your parents will eventually come around. They will pay for your studies. Until
then...'
A loud roar went through the pol and startled us. India had hit a six.
'Until then what?' she said after the noise subsided.
'Until then I will support you,' I said. We looked into each other's eyes. She
smiled. We took a walk around the perimeter of the terrace.
'So my tutor doesn't believe I need to figure out maths problems?'
'Figuring out the maths of life is more important,' I said. 'What's that?'
'Who you are, what do you want versus what people expect of you. And how to
keep what you want without pissing off people too much. Life is an optimisation
problem, with tons of variables and constraints.'
'Is it possible to run away and not piss off my parents?'
'You can minimise the pissed-off state, but can't make it zero. We can only
optimise life, never solve it,' I said as we came to a corner.
'Can I tell you something weird?' 'What?'
'When you talk hardcore maths, like these terms that totally go over my head,'
she said, her hand in take-off motion above her head.
'Yes.'
'It turns me on.'
'Vidya, your boldness...,' I said, shocked. 'Makes you blush, right?' she said
and laughed. 'So we are cutting this cake or what?' I said to change the topic.
'Of course, follow me to Café Vidya,' she said.
8. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 64
'Well, I am not your teacher. I am your tutor, your maths tutor. And as far as I
know, there are no dream tutors.'
'Are you not my friend?'
'Well, sort of.'
'Ok, sort-of-friend, what do you think I should do? Crush my passion and
surround myself with hydrocarbon molecules forever?'
I kept quiet.
'Say something. I should lump these lessons even if I have no interest in them
whatsoever as that is what all good Indian students do?'
I kept quiet.
'What?' she prodded me again.
'The problem is you think I am this geek who solves probability problems for
thrills. Well, maybe I do, but that is not all of me. I am a tutor, it is a job. But
never fucking accuse me of crushing your passion.' Too late I realised I had used
the F-word. 'Sorry for the language.'
'Cursing is an act of passion.'
I smiled and turned away from her.
'So there you go,' she said, 'my tutor-friend, I want to make an admission to
you. I want to go to Mumbai, but not to cut cadavers. I want to study PR.'
I banged my fist on the table. 'Then do it. Don't give me this wish-I-was-a-boy
and I'm-trapped-in-a-cage nonsense. Ok, so you are in a cage, but you have a
nice, big, oiled brain that is not pea-sized like a bird's. So use it to find the key
out.'
'Medical college is one key, but not for me,' she said.
'In that case, break the cage,' I said.
'How?'
'What makes the cage? Your parents, right? Do you have to listen to them all
the time?'
'Of course not. I've been lying to them since I was five.'
'Really? Wow,' I said and collected myself. 'Passion versus parents is a tough
call. But if you have to choose, passion should win. Humanity wouldn't have
progressed if people listened to their parents all the time.'
'Exactly. Our parents are not innocent either. Weren't we all conceived in a
moment of passion?' I looked at her innocent -looking face, shocked. This girl is
out of control. Maybe it isn't such a good idea to get her out of her cage.
9. Chetan Bhagat -three mistakes of my life.pdf, page 34
'So, which topic would you like to start with?'
'Anything without equations.'
'I saw your medical entrance exam course. Looks like there are a few scoring
areas that are relatively easier.'
I opened the medical exam entrance guide and turned it towards her.
'See this, probability,' I said. 'This and permutations will be twenty-five per cent
of the maths exam. Statistics is another ten per cent. No equations here, so can
we start with this?'
'Sure,' she said and took out a brand new exercise book. She kept two pens
parallel to the notebook. She opened the first page of the probability chapter like
she was the most diligent student in India. Most clueless, probably.
'Probability,' I said, 'is easily the most fun. I say this because you can actually
use the concepts in probability to solve everyday problems.'
'Like what?'
'Like what what?'
'What everyday problems can you solve?' she quizzed, brushing aside a strand
of hair.'Well, you are going ahead, but let's see.' I looked around for a11 easy example.
I noticed her impeccably done-up room, tucked in pink bedsheets. On the
opposite wall were posters of Westlife, Backstreet Boys, Hrithik Roshan. Next to
them was a wall of greeting cards. 'See those cards?'
'They are birthday cards from my school friends. I had my birthday two months
ago.'
I ignored the information overload. 'Say there are twenty of them. Most are
white, though. Some are coloured. How many?'
'Five coloured ones,' she said, scanning the cards, her eyes asking 'so?'
'Cool, five. Now let's say I take all the cards and put them in a sack. Then I pull
out one card, what is the probability the card is coloured?'
'Why would you put them in a sack?' she said.
'Hypothetical. What is the chance?'
'I don't know.'
'Ok, so let's use this example to start the basic premise of probability.
Probability can be defined as,' I said as I wrote the lines:
Probability = No of times something you want happens / No of times something
can happen
'How come there are no symbols?' she said.
'See, I told you probability is interesting. Let's look at the denominator. How
many different cards can come out if I put out one card from the stack of twenty?'
'Er ... twenty?'
'Yes, of course. Good.'
'Duh!' she said.
I controlled my irritation. I dumbed down the problem for her and she duh-ed
me. Some attitude, there.
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